CAREGIVERS
The Greatest Love of All
This will be a very non-academic conversation about the greatest people on our planet, namely CAREGIVERS. You can have all the billionaires and industrial giants and politicos and movie stars. In my book, I'll take caregivers.
There are shelves of books about caregivers and caregiving. A book called The 36 Hour Day, by Mace & Rabin has a catchy title that sums up what can be involved with caregiving. Other than mentioning that title I won't be referring to any books and will just be laying out some of my thoughts and observations.
It's only fairly recently that I've gained an appreciation for caregivers. The vast majority of my career was as an ER doctor and although I interacted with the caregivers of the patients that I'd see there, I had very little idea of what took place 24/7 in the home setting. My current work with Kaua'i Hospice is home-based and I now get to go to peoples' homes and see what it really takes.
I'll loosely define caregivers as people who take care of people who are unable to take care of their own day to day "activities of daily living." This can include getting food, preparing food, eating food (i.e. needing to be spoonfed), getting to the bathroom, maybe being incontinent, being able to keep themselves clean, handling their affairs. Maybe even being able to recognize their own family members.
Caregivers come in all shapes and sizes: Husbands, wives, grandparents, parents, children, nieces, nephews, significant others, dear friends. And then there are paid caregivers.
Parents, typically but not necessarily mothers, are the most obvious example of caregivers, since human babies require several years of support before they can go for it alone. (Some animals like horses have to run with the herd within hours or even minutes of being born).
Some caregivers are "naturals" and are somehow born being nurturing and comforting and diligent and gentle. Some have to learn the ropes, so to speak, either from other caregivers or from educational materials of one kind or another or from experience. (I love that saying: "Good decisions come from experience. Experience comes from bad decisions"). Some caregivers feel that circumstances have forced them into it and they resent having to discontinue their own previous enjoyments in order to be a caregiver, and they can be impatient and even unkind and hurtful.
The People Who Are Being Cared For
The people who are being cared for also come in a host of very different shapes and sizes.
Some people need round-the-clock caregiving for years and years, maybe even from birth.
Some people just require caregiving during an acute illness or during a recuperation period after an illness or a surgery. (Under this scenario ER and hospital staff can be considered caregivers - and hopefully they give honor to that word, along with the more technical parts of their work).
Some people require caregiving support just a couple or a few hours/day.
Some require that the caregiver be at their bedside 24/7 - or else they might get agitated and fall out of bed and break a bone.
Some people have a condition which is progressive and which requires ever-increasing caregiving attention and effort - and this progression might be quite rapid, or as with dementia conditions, might be "glacial" over a period of years.
Some people accept their care with gratitude and appreciation.
Some are bitter about the decline which has led to their dependent state and they take it out on their caregivers, sometimes even physically with hitting and scratching and biting - in which case sedating medications may be in order.
"When I get to witness caregiving at its best, or even near its best, I bow my head in respect and gratitude."
And when I think I may have participated in it, even if only for a few minutes or a couple of hours, I myself feel deeply grateful and worthwhile.
Every day we see people in the news for great achievements of one kind or another, but, helping one person be safe, happy, and at peace, is... The Greatest Love of All.