Child's First Phone: Are They Ready?

Deciding when to give your child their first phone can be a source of anxiety. Smartphones, in particular, offer a portal to the internet, apps and social media. You may not feel your child is ready for that much access to the digital world. Yet, you may want to get your child a device for the basics: a way to contact you when they're traveling between school, after-school activities or different households.

First, consider other options. Flip phones or smart watches allow communication without all the digital baggage.

It's natural for kids and teens to want a phone because "everyone else has one." However, they may not be ready for problems that can come with having a phone. Some teens have actually said they regret getting a smartphone so early. These kids didn't realize they would have so many new distractions or social drama in their lives.

What are your child's unique strengths and challenges that might make having a phone more difficult? Does your child have a strong sense of responsibility, or do they tend to act before thinking? This becomes important to consider once they have access to the internet, texting and social media apps where they can easily say or post things they may regret.

Talk with your child about online safety and good digital citizenship. Decide on some benchmarks that would show they are being safe, smart and kind while using their new technology. (For example, did they get in any online arguments this week? Did they check their phone during class?)

Social connection is the biggest driver for having a phone in the tween and teen years. However, if you don't think your child is ready for a smartphone, help them connect with friends in other ways.

In addition to making sure they have in-person social opportunities like clubs or sports, you could enable video chat and text messaging on an iPad or tablet. Or, you could allow video gaming with friends on a shared server or safe multiplayer game with an "invitation only" privacy setting.

Do you have a regular way to check in with them about how life is going (including their digital life)? When kids get a smartphone, they have easier access to a whole new world of information on the internet, apps and social media. Because the digital world isn't always designed with young users in mind, though, your child or teen needs you to act as a mentor. In this role, you can help them have positive experiences online and unpack the negative experiences.

If you don't have a regular time when you can talk with your child, like during car rides or meal times, try making a new routine. You might set aside a night each week when you cook a meal together, for example, or block out time for a shared workout.

It's also important to stay informed about what's going on with digital media. Have your child show you what games or apps they like, and read up on them when you have a minute.

If you and your child decide that they are not ready for a phone, that's OK too. Have an ongoing conversation about your child's relationship with technology. Continue to explore what kind of non-smartphone tech products are available that meet their social and communication needs.

If you decide to get a phone for your child, know the features available to support safe and positive media use. These include parental controls, settings, filters, timers and other digital wellness tools. Set these up together with your child and explain the reasons behind the limits.

Treat getting a phone like an experiment. As your child shows more responsibility, they could gain more independence and fewer controls.

Finally, create a family media use plan and model healthy phone habits. If you look at your phone while driving or during meals, they are likely to do the same. If you can balance your media use with screen-free activities, they will find it easier to do the same.