8 SECRETS OF HAPPY FAMILIES

1. They hang out together.

Happy families have a strong sense of connection. Real connection can happen in as little as five minutes a day. Sit next to each other during homework time; cook together; read at bedtime; chat in the car.

Positive interactions in the first part of the day can carry kids through their day, so create calm, cheerful mornings by prepping the night before or getting up a little earlier. Connecting during the first 30 minutes of the day and the last 30 minutes before bed is particularly important in helping family members feel calm, grounded and loved. So snuggle and cuddle in the morning; and don’t rush it! In the evening, stick to a bedtime routine, which should include reading with your kids and reflecting on the day (talk about things that went well, but also things that didn’t).

2. They cheer for each other.

Celebrate your kids’ interests and praise their efforts rather than focusing on the outcome (positive or negative): “I love watching you play!” “I like how you colored this!” “I can tell you really concentrated and gave it your best effort on your math test. I’m so proud of you for that.” Remember to cheer on your partner and other family members as well.

3. They keep it simple.

Less is more. Limit activities, especially if your family is prone to over-scheduling. The benefits of downtime far outweigh the risk of boredom. Downtime allows children to practice independent thinking, entertain themselves and manage their own time. Free time also reduces the stress associated with rushing from one activity to the next.

4. They eat together.

Family dinners are a great time to reconnect. It doesn’t have to be a multi-course meal. Keep it simple. Take the opportunity to talk about your day, sharing a high-low or a rose-thorn-bud. When children feel comfortable communicating in a low-stress environment, they are more likely to talk about tough topics when they arise.

5. They hug and snuggle.

Research confirms that cuddling and skin-to-skin touch lower blood pressure and heart rate and release stress-relieving “feel-good” hormones. Hug your babies. Hug your kids. Hug your partner. HUG HUG HUG!

6. They goof off.

Play and laugh together so your kids get to experience you as human. Sing unabashedly together in the car; make up zany songs when it’s time to brush teeth; exchange riddles or jokes (the sillier the better!); jam to funky music in your living room, make funny faces to defuse tense situations.

Follow your child’s lead. Play dolls or Legos or do a craft together. If your child likes to ride bikes, explore new trails together. Schedule a family board game night (or play video games together, but in moderation).

7. They create community.

Not all parents can rely on extended family to provide positive emotional and practical support. If that’s the case for you, focus on building friendships in your neighborhood, at church or through your child’s school or extracurricular activities.

8. They honor emotions.

Empathize with your child when they’re upset; listen and validate their feelings; help them verbally label their emotions. Avoid taking your child’s behavior personally or rushing to fix their problems. Given the opportunity, kids can often peacefully problem-solve and negotiate with siblings and playmates without parental interference.

Kids who learn to self-soothe move through negative emotions faster. These same kids also tend to form stronger friendships, which is another key to long-term happiness.